Thursday, July 26, 2012
Warning: Rant ahead.
We have had two college graduates living with us since May and I want my house back. I am so tired of having other people living here and it's causing me some serious stress. And it's not like they're doing anything wrong. And they're not horrible people. They're just in my space and have been for the past three months. While I enjoy people and being around them I'm also someone who really values "me" time. I get that they're bored. But the one leaving for Americorps in August was supposed to have found a part time job for the summer and didn't. And the other one is supposed to be studying for certification exams. So frankly, their boredom should not be my issue.
I hit the end of my rope last week. It was like everywhere I turned there was somebody. And then I left my lunch at home on Wednesday and it just collapsed from there. I did ok at work, but I ate a higher percentage of bready stuff than I normally do and not as much protein and vegetables and it really did make a difference. I ate more calories and I was hungry all day. Then I ended up with a headache and in order to get away from people (and the fridge), I went to bed at 6:30. Not that I went to sleep. I just had to get away from everybody. Day 1 no workout.
Thursday I found out that we were spending money that we could really use elsewhere to go see a baseball game on Friday night because Patchy's daughter and her friend wanted to go and wouldn't stop pestering him about it. At that point the silent scream in my head started. He also let me know that they were asking about the DC Big Flea on Saturday so they might want to go with me. And the screaming in my head got louder. Because the DC Big Flea is an event that me and a friend go to once a year. It's our day. And I was really really looking forward to it. And essentially, I was being glommed onto by the people I was trying to get the hell away from. Anyway, Thursday I was back on track with eating during the day but honestly couldn't face going home again. So I took an opportunity to network with some folks who were in town on business, which meant drinks at happy hour and of course snacks. Day 2 no workout. Eating plan ruined.
Friday was the baseball game day and yes, I could've gotten up early to workout. But Thursday wound up being a late night and so I didn't. And to compound everything, since I carbed up on junk and beer the previous night, all I wanted was sugar on Friday. I broke my almost 6 month streak of no soda and drank 2 Pepsis. And then I ate Indian food for lunch instead of a sandwich and veggies. I found out before we left that Patchy didn't want to go to the game and neither did his son. So 5 of us were going to a game that only two of us wanted to go to. Awesome. And it rained. Almost the entire time. And it went to extra innings.
Day 3 no workout. Massive stress. Crappy eating.
They asked about what time I was leaving for the DC Big Flea. I told them 7:30 AM with no invite no explanation no nothing. They generally don't surface until about 11:00 so I figured that was early enough to discourage any self invites. I should probably feel guilty, but I don't. All I could think was if you try to invite yourself on my day out I will actually scream out loud.
At some point before we left for the game they asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, which is coming up in two weeks. I said I just want everybody to disappear for the day and leave me alone. I can't believe I said that.
Saturday, while not all that healthy did involve a serious amount of walking, which was good. And then Saturday night we were told that another friend was going to be coming over and staying for a day or two. And she'd be arriving sometime in the middle of the night from North Carolina en route to New Jersey. WTF!!!!! And the scream, which had subsided during the day came roaring back. Day 4 no workout.
Sunday was chore day, since the house gets significantly dirtier with anywhere between 2 and 5 extra people living there. Day 5 no workout, but definitely lots of activity.
Monday, Patchy left for North Carolina for work for a couple days. And all friends, acquaintances, and random people had finally departed. I ignored everybody else in the house and took myself out to dinner with a book. Day 6 no workout. And the dinner I ordered wasn't even close to good for me.
Tuesday I finally managed to pull myself together. I tracked my food. Tracked my water. Tracked my fruits and veggies. And I walked 5 miles. . . . with Kenzie, who invited herself along. And Matt's girlfriend is in town for the week.
I'm so tired of having people here. And I need to learn to deal with stress better. Because last week wasn't good.
One thing that I did learn was that since I had been so aware of what I was eating, on Wednesday, since I had been eating more protein in the previous weeks, when I ate a higher percentage of my calories from carbs, I was hungrier throughout the day. I found that enlightening and also a validation of how I had been eating. And I'm not eating a really low carb diet, I'm just trying to stay at the low end of my range for carbs and the high end of my range for protein and it's made a difference.
So I guess something good did come out of it. It would've been better if I had been able to realize that on Wednesday and get back on track on Thursday. But I'll take what I can get. And rather than letting it go any further than it did, I got back on track and back on line.
Kenzie leaves in two weeks and Matt has a final interview next week. So hopefully he'll have a job soon and this too can come to an end.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
This morning I was so happy to see that you are no longer a part of my life. You snuck up on me while I was happily denying your existence. I thought to myself, there's no way that I'm thaaaat heavy. I mean, I realized that I was starting to get this horrible fat pad at my pubic bone. I realized that my stomach was starting to do things like flop over when I was lying on the couch. And lying on the couch was a frequent activity during my denial phase, so there was a lot of flopping. You'd think that I'd have realized that you were gradually ensconcing yourself into my life. Even when I had to order bigger clothes, I deluded myself into thinking, no way. I've haven't gained that much weight. And I put off getting on the scale for months. There was always another 1st of the month or another Monday when I was going to weigh myself.
I finally had to face that you might be in my life at the end of June when I saw pictures of myself next to my sisters at my niece's baptism and I was twice the size of them. So I bit the bullet and stepped on the scale, all the while whispering in my head pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease in the hopes that you wouldn't show up. And yet there you were. 238 lbs. I wanted to cry and throw up at the same time.
The one thing that you did manage to do was to steel my resolve to get rid of you. And the other 100 of you that don't need to be hanging out on my body. I've set a plan. I'm sticking to it. And I'm going to forgive myself on the days that I don't and get right back at it.
So far so good and you are freaking gone. Outta hear. Done. D. U. N. Done. And honestly, I never want to see you again. I don't like you. I didn't like you before, I really don't like you now. So later tater. And 220's you're on notice. You have until the end of August to get gone.
Not so fondly,
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
For those of us who curse the warm bread basket for its yeasty, doughy, deliciousness; who rail at the chips and salsa for its salty, fried, crispiness; who wail and gnash our teeth at the bowl of penne marinara for its al dente, basily, tomato-y, comfort; and who rage at the basket of fries for its greasy, potato-y, crisp yet squishy texture; this is an outstanding read that describes our love-hate relationships with all things carbilicious. It also re-emphasizes the importance of meal planning or at least being aware of those tendencies when hungry in order to avoid diving face first into the nearest simple carbohydrate the next time we're really hungry.
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Below are my goals for July.
At least 6 days/week for at least an hour each time
1620 minutes for the month
Burn at least 3000 calories/week (measured by pedometer and HRM, not SP)
Eat within my calorie range 90% of the time
No more than 2 beers on any day that I drink beer
Drink all of my water every day
Recommit to this journey
And here's how I'm doing so far:
Exercise - worked out 6 days - Goal 1 check
Total of 535 minutes so I'm on track to reach 1620 in 4 weeks - Goal 2 check I walked a total of 29 miles this week and based on what I've recently read, walking burns .53*your weight/mile, so my heftiness is causing me to burn 125 calories/mile, which is 3627 calories this week, Spark calls it 3965 so they're relatively close, but more importantly are both over 3000 calories. - Goal 3 check
Water - Check
Calories - I was short by 60 calories on one day. So I'm calling it good for the week.
Beer - Only had beer once this week and only had two. - Check
I've sparked every day. I've tracked every day. And I've been slightly obsessed with eating, tracking, and exercising. And in the long run I'm going to have to find some balance, but for the first week recommitting to getting healthy I'm not going to worry because I probably need that.
Results - Lost 4 lbs! Yes, I know you're not supposed to lose more than 2 lbs/week. But I generally have a difficult time losing between 1-1.5 lbs/week and at this point have over 100 lbs to lose, so I'm going to make hay while the sun shines and appreciate the 4lbs gone for as long as the accelerated loss lasts. :)
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Yesterday we moved into a new office building. This is the view from my window.
It's not particularly exciting, however, on the plus side a) I have a window and window=natural light b) I have a real time picture of the traffic which is important when you live around the Washington DC area and c) I can have plants!
The most exciting thing about the move is that since the new office is closer to my house I GET AT LEAST AN HOUR OF MY LIFE BACK EVERY SINGLE STINKING WORKDAY!!!!!! WOO HOOOOOO!!!!
So picture it. There I was. . . reveling in the shorter commute, on my way home, jamming out in the car because I was excited that I was going to get home in time to get a great workout in and not have to eat dinner at 9 PM. And then the phone rang and it was my old boss. :( We still work for the same company and he watches the dogs when we travel so it's not odd that he'd be calling. But since it was only 5, it was definitely work related so :(. And it was, as I suspected, work related. He needed some help getting documentation done that was two days overdue. So we met at the house, which normally would've included grabbing a beer while we worked. But since I had the food log in the back of my mind, and I even discreetly checked my Spark People app while he was looking over some stuff to check what my calorie balance was, I continued drinking water. We finished up around 7:30 and he wanted to buy us dinner for helping out (good bye workout). So I offered to just make the chicken that I had in the fridge. Nope. He didn't want to make me have to cook after helping him out with work, even though I said that it wouldn't be a problem and that was what I was planning on making anyway. And of course, the only thing that delivers in our area is pizza. :(
So we ordered pizza, I checked the app to see what a slice of Papa John's cheese was and was pleasantly surprised that I could have two slices and still be within all of my ranges for the day. Again, pizza normally = beer too. However, no workout=no beer for Megan.
I hate you food log.
But I love you too.
On a day that I failed to track, two slices of cheese ( with no garlic dipping sauce), would've turned into three slices of cheese, with dipping sauce, and a couple of beers. So I would've easily scarfed down an additional 500-800 calories for the day. But I didn't. Because I tracked. :)
Today I'm turning off my phone as soon as I get in the car.
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