I am feeling really blah right now.. I lost my pedometer today while I was out and about and I can not afford to get another one. GRRRR just not fair but then I know life isn't LOL.

Anyway I went to the drs today and I think I've found out why I'm now always so tired. Apparently the past couple times I've been to the drs my blood pressure has been low. I only found this out because I asked for water pills to help with my water retention and the dr said he can't put me on them because my blood pressure is low and that water pills lower your blood pressure also and he didn't want me to end up getting dizzy and passing out or nothing like that. However he did give me a prescription for my acid reflux problem Finally. Which I'm supposed to take half an hr before I eat breakfast in the mornings. I also prefer my scale over the drs scale LOL cause the scale at the drs says I weigh more LOL. I have no clue why my blood pressure would be low though that has me befuddled LOL. But it was low also when I was visiting in the states and checked it using my BFF's blood pressure wrist cuff..

I also was given some vitamin samples that will hopefully last me a month or 2. I have been getting really bad leg muscle spasms lately and my bones everywhere legs, arms back everywhere has just been really aching. So they gave me some vitamins at the drs because I can't afford them. They are figuring I'm low on Calcium which I am pretty sure I am and other things also which is causing this problem.. SO I have a Calcium with Vitamin D to take as well as a Centrum vitamin I took them tonight.

It's done a lot of storming today off and on so I've been unable to walk but then I'm also not feeling motivated today either. All I want to do is sleep and my eye sight has been a tiny bit blurry grrrr.

I really haven't been in the mood to even eat meals either today but I have been forcing myself to eat small ones with tiny tiny snacks between and I must admit I really haven't drank the amount of water I should be drinking these past 2 days either..

I am getting impatient to with this being single thing.. I keep praying though. I really do want a family of my own. I want to fall in love I want to be loved. I want someone honest and respectful and loving. Some one caring who will love me for me. Someone whom I will be able to start a family with. I really do want to be a mom too. I'm starting to wonder if that will ever happen or if any man will ever love me. On POF they seem to just read and delete or just delete messages without reading
them. But I must keep reminding myself that if they dont' want me FAT they can't have me at all.
I'm also getting sick of being in the obese range and am hoping that soon I will get out of it.

I still want to be 190 by my b-day but now that's starting to look very unreachable LOL. I will keep praying and listing my thank-you lists and gratitude lists and my do haves and continue to keep my eyes away from my don't haves.

I will also continue to pray for my siblings who rarely ever talks to me. I do miss them and love them and always will..

On the praise side of things, I finally have a bible study I can attend on Mondays. We are doing a study on David and then Tues a breaking free study by Beth Moore. Although I can't afford the book for the Breaking free but I am taking notes and thankfully Monday you don't need one. And This past Sunday I got compliments on how much better I look now. Unfortunately I can't see it unless I put a picture of me from when I was a higher weight beside the me now LOL.. Which I took a pic to do just that on the Sunday evening and put it up just Tues night after I edited that pic and a pic of me when I was 220 beside it I put it up into facebook pics and there is a mighty difference for sure.

Either way I am doing what I know needs to be done. I also know I need to clean house and not just where I live but as in my body my mind and spirit too. I have begun to declutter my aprt it's becoming stressful and overwhelming because I have so much and there is so much I know I'll have to get rid of. Going through the last box of mama's is the hardest. So emotional. I still do miss her a lot.

Well that's it for now and I hope whoever reads this is having a great week..