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    TAKIAANDMOMMY   3,307
SparkPoints 		2,500-3,999 SparkPoints
 
 
jus tired, done with it all...so it seems

Thursday, June 21, 2012

there has been a whole lot of stress lately in my life, the loss of a job, uncertainty at home and decisions to make. I havent been paying that much attention to the whole weight loss thing, i know i weigh in and one week i will be 238 the next 221 then right back up to 240 the following week. i dont know how to stablize it. My doctor has put me on something, it makes me increadibly thirsty, i mean like two gallons of water a day, and no appetite at all. i feel like complete crap (another word fit better but it flagged as profanity) somedays im too busy to eat other days im to hungry not to eat everything in sight, i dont know how to balance myself out.
I sit here and remember how good i felt when i had lost all of that weight, and was down to almost 210. i felt invincible. And i dont feel like i will be able to get back there anytime soon.
My insecurity about my weight is now affecting all aspects of my life, including my love life and relationship.i dont know how to change it or stop it. i despise feeling this way. Something has to change, but i dont know how or what. i feel at a loss.
one of my friends is suppose to be giving me her treadmill, hopefully she will be dropping it off today cause i think if i can start doing 30-60min every night like i used to that maybe i can get back into my routine and start on the healthy track again.
i got an iphone and downloaded all of my usual apps sparkpeople and sparkrecipes, and several others. i was ashamed to realize that it had been months since i had used the sparkpeople app (i had it on my android before i switched to the iphone)
i even downloaded the c25k app, but havent used that on in over a year so i dont know why i even bothered.
i am in such a low funk i dont really know how to pull myself out. my body is tired, my mind is exhausted, my stomach hurts.omg even my ankles were swollen as can be the other day!!!! ive never had issues like that. i am ready to trade me in for a new one, i even have been considering surgery, like tummy tucks and liposuction. but i would never be able to afford anything like that. im so tired of being up and down back and forth. im so tired of seeing pictures of myself and thinkin "oh my god do i really look like that?!?!?!?!"
i need to be outta this depressing ditch quick fast and in a hurry it jus feels like im stuck and sinking fast.........
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AHMARROSE 7/1/2012 8:01AM

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TAKIAANDMOMMY 6/25/2012 3:33PM

    thank you ladies, and i go to see my doc at the end of the month i will definitely tell him then,
i am thinking about a counselor but jus have to find one, funds are tight ya know.
but i know that without rain we cannot have flowers :) and in that thought and GOD and my beautiful daughter, i keep my head up.

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TAKIAANDMOMMY 6/25/2012 3:33PM

    thank you ladies, and i go to see my doc at the end of the month i will definitely tell him then,
i am thinking about a counselor but jus have to find one, funds are tight ya know.
but i know that without rain we cannot have flowers :) and in that thought and GOD and my beautiful daughter, i keep my head up.

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 6/25/2012 3:22PM

    My dear, welcome back to SP and to the decision that you need to do something else with your life! We all have weeks and months like these, in fact, I just got out my funk too..and came back full force. You have to find out what is happpening in your pretty little brain and that will help you find your way again. You have done well, pat your back for that success and remember each choice is a new choice to get healthy for you.
You may wish to seek professional help, your doctor should be talking to you about this, or if you are church going person, maybe someone from that field. Just please, don't turn away from us, we are here to help and support you through the good, the bad..and the OMG this is an ugly day!!!

Huggglessssssssssssss
sssssss


Kristin emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 6/22/2012 4:23AM

    hi love.first emoticon sound like you could use one.are you seeing a councellor re your depression?have you told the dr the effects the tablets are having on you?maybe he can lessen the dose or find an alturnative method.i would suggest instead of trying to do everything all at once and maybe getting overwhelmed with it all ,so overwhelmed that you then give up i would suggest that you concentrate on doing one or two things(make sure they are realistic though).concentrate on getting a streak with them going rather than concentrateing on what the scales says or doesnīt say.also look at all the none scales victories you hAVE ACHIEVED:MAKE A LIST OF THEM AND WHENEVER YOU need that extra bit of motivation reread the list.hope this helps love above all the last thing you need at the moment is putting yourself under any extra pressure or stress so remember babysteps.you can do this love.just donīt give up. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CANDIGIRL4K 6/21/2012 3:39PM

    I know how you feel and I sympathize and empathize with your situation. It does get better when we take the lead and make the body follow. I too have gotten swollen ankles...and the big weight gains then drops---it comes from water retention. I've thought about surgery and I still am, but not without giving my very best to losing all the weight I can. I noticed with myself that I wasn't drinking enough water so my body held on to water, but in your case it's the medicine probably. Glad you're getting a treadmill because exercising helps to reduce water retention and swelling---another quick note...start tracking your food and see how much sodium your consuming in a day because that will make the condition worst. Also to have better control over your eating habits the sayings are true---BREAKFAST is the most IMPORTANT meal of the day. It sets the tone for the rest of the day and when you eat breakfast you won't have those hunger swings. Also if your schedule permits, try eating small meals every 2-3 hours without going over 600 calories for any one "meal." I hope you feel better and know everyone has days, weeks, years where they feel like this, you just have to really know that it's going to take work and time.

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